Archives

The Christmas I gave up on love OR the Hallmark Man Prayer

This is something I think some of us struggle with after the ending of a toxic relationship. It is glorious though, to know I will be happy alone, or not, but that I don’t need anyone else to make happy happen. . . I embraced the vulnerability that allowing the possibility of love to enter my life again would bring. I also trusted the Lord to deliver what he felt was best for me and I trusted that he would, in fact, deliver. (I also trusted he would take my list into considerations, lol.) This prayer marks the first time I was able to trust in Him fully for years. I prayed and I TRUSTED. This was significant.  

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She would have been 107 this month

My grandmother, Mama, lived to be 105. She passed away the January before Covid hit and thankfully didn’t have to deal with any of that. It is funny, we all worried about her health all the time and she never really seemed to. She didn’t really consider death, from what I could tell, even after she passed the century mark. She was up for whatever God’s will happened to be for her. I know 105 is old, but I still feel like I lost her too soon.

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Time to activate one of those infinite DO-OVERS God has gifted me with . . .

Really, I was just looking for a little guidance to climb out of the hole I’ve thrown myself into and instead I get an added emphasis on the power and importance of wisdom – the “she” in line 8 is “wisdom” not some random woman. So, my tasks are to 1) understand where I am: the pit of despair (if you know, you know) check. 2) Seek wisdom to climb out of this pit before Miracle Max is declaring I only want to live in order “to blathe” not check.

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The MOST lovely couple

I spent the majority of my Fall Break in Cancun relaxing with friends, finding my center, appreciating the life God has gifted me. While there, enjoying pool time, God sent to me the most beautiful and faithful woman. She was on her honeymoon and their love story absolutely renews my faith in God and my […]

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I am Naomi 🙄

THEN, now this one struck me, THEN Naomi said she was too old to marry again. (Ruth 1:12) Now woman. Please. I understand that in her context, in her culture, she did not see herself as any kind of bargaining chip to use to enter a marriage that might save her from the plight of being a widow with no sons and no parents to go home to. But, when I read this I immediately questioned whether or not as a divorced woman with grown kids I am possibly too old to marry again.

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Tennagery People

I was privileged enough to be asked by my daughter to take her and friends to Atlanta to see some obscure band play at the Mascarade. I say privileged because I think she and her friends are comfortable enough with me to be ok with me listening in on their conversations and they trust me […]

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Travel feeds my soul

I have not always loved to travel. It wasn’t that I disliked it, I just hadn’t been anywhere and didn’t know. But once I’d been on my first international trip I was hooked. I want to go everywhere. Today I am traveling to spend time with friends in a far off place that requires a […]

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Work in progress. . .

I love this stage of a painting. It has good bones. It has made it past the ugly phase. It is waiting on those final tiny choices that will make it into something magnificinet. Something I am truly proud of. I feel that way about me, about my life. I have good bones, I have […]

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Silly Songs . . .

Life has taken unexpected twists and turns since I spent my days innocently singing along with Bob and Larry. I think of the woman I was and wonder, if I could travel back to her and tell her anything, would I? Would I tell her to brace for what was to come? Would she even believe me?

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Champagne Sundays

Weekly check ins. This is what Champagne Sundays are all about. I have become wonderful friends with my next door neighbor and each Sunday we get together on the front porch and have champagne from my vintage champagne glasses and discuss the week we’ve had and the one coming up. We celebrate our wins and […]

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Living in the moment

Being present as a person who loves to plan her future is, well, sometimes a bit tedious. My head is always trying to look ahead and skip the uncomfortable parts. BUT, what I am finding is that when I cannot see a future, I am more engaged in my present.

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Live like a college graduate

I am thankful for my Lifetime moments as much as my Hallmark moments. I am thankful to just feel again, all of the feels, to have been broken open and set free to experience life once again. Every day is a day for a new beginning or to pick up an old beginning again. I only have this ONE life. That is it! I want to live it body and soul.

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God has called me to my knees

There have been so many what I call “thought tornados” that I have had to resolve in the wake (tsunami) of these changes that I am finding I have no choice but to take them to God regularly. I cannot and should not burden anyone else with the anguish that is me when I am fearful. Some of me needs to remain between me and God. I have had a quite fractured relationship with God for several years and through this anguish of removing myself from the man I love, letting go of a man I loved, and embracing a challenging new opportunity – God has called me back to Him. To my knees in praise, and in fear, and in mourning, and with cries for strength because I have never felt so weak or my foundation so shaken.

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How do I look at such a toxic and traumatic time through a lens of love, and why would I want to??

I was scrolling through TikTok last night, watching the many videos on trauma, toxic relationships, and narcissism that tend to be on my “for me” page, and I recognized myself in literally almost every post. I understand the trauma, I have lived in the toxicity, I have labeled my ex as a narcissist without any […]

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If it was toxic for me, it was toxic for him

But what I could not see due to the bubble I had crawled into to try to protect myself, was that if I was in a toxic relationship, SO WAS HE. He was not choosing to live in a toxic place on purpose. Who would do that? He was miserable too. No one actually wants to live that way. This is powerful now, in looking back. It strips away the animosity I have felt about this period of my life.

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My closet is my happy place. . .

It was like the closet was a symbol of my life if it were put together, neat and tidy.

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Fatal Optimism (I made that up)

I allowed myself the possibility that happiness could be realized in the paths I had once been so dead set against instead of the one I was so dead set ON. I conceded that I was not giving up on the commitment I made in my marriage, I had lived it out. When I chose to move in a direction that was healthier for me the world opened and welcomed me back (and delivered transformative surprises too!)

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Sometimes it is ok to pivot . . .

For years, I have planned to write extensively about life with an alcoholic, specifically, the lessons I learned about life, love, and grace because of it. Recently, I have been narrowing the topics and making a plan, forming questions that I know my answers to will help other women who find themselves in a similar […]

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