I drove my girl to college last weekend.
And I’m doing fine. Really I am.
I miss my girl. I miss out interactions. We have been close from the moment she was placed in my arms. I am not a fan of letting her go. But I am a really, really big fan of HER and of her living her life the way she wants to, accomplishing the goals she sets. I am her biggest cheerleader. I love her big.
I knew it would be important to be immediately busy as I find my way in this strange new world where my girl is not flitting in and out if my house or my room all the time. So, I volunteered to teach first year sacraments classes. On Sunday, I taught the first class to the sweetest group of first – third graders. And, you know what? I loved it. I loved sitting in the floor with them talking about God and prayer and love. I loved teaching again. It filled my heart with an unexpected joy. I questioned this decsion as I got myself up early after driving for hours and hours the day before but I shouldn’t have – it was the perfect way to fill the ache in my heart.
I am not quite an empty nester – my sweet middle child is still here with me as he works and goes to college. But he is a quiet kid – keeps to himself more often than not. I am thankful he is here. I’m not ready to be so absolutely alone.
How am I coping with this change? I am changing up my routine. I am organizing my house and purging it of the things I do not need – excess clutter and unnecessary nonsense. I am thankful for my job. I am painting. I am cooking (I know! So not like me!) I am keeping busy. And it is only day 3 . . . so, clearly STAY BUSY is the strategy – ha.
I am curious to see how this plays out – how I will fill my time and find purpose in this strange place where I am no longer defined as a mom first in my brain. I think I will be an artist. Or a writer. Maybe I will go back to school, you know, again. Maybe I will move to a new city where I don’t know anyone and make a go of it. Possiblities are endless. I am open to it all. Its like starting over. I am too young for this. Or maybe I am too old. Or maybe I am just right.
I’ll check in again soon and let you know how it’s going.