But what I could not see due to the bubble I had crawled into to try to protect myself, was that if I was in a toxic relationship, SO WAS HE. He was not choosing to live in a toxic place on purpose. Who would do that? He was miserable too. No one actually wants to live that way. This is powerful now, in looking back. It strips away the animosity I have felt about this period of my life.
Shouldn’t the person we choose to spend our lives so intimately with be chosen, at the very least, with the same standards we use to choose our friends?
I allowed myself the possibility that happiness could be realized in the paths I had once been so dead set against instead of the one I was so dead set ON. I conceded that I was not giving up on the commitment I made in my marriage, I had lived it out. When I chose to move in a direction that was healthier for me the world opened and welcomed me back (and delivered transformative surprises too!)
This is why I am sharing with such vulnerability.
I want to write for the women who are where I was and for those who can find inspiration in my journey. What good will come if I keep my peace and do not share my hard learned lessons?
I want everyone to see that there is light, there is hope, and we can live from a place of love and not anger. I just want some good to come from my growing pains, ya know?