It is time to start over. I am thankful for the infinite do-over’s God allows us over the course of our lifetimes. I have found myself at the bottom of a shallow proverbial pit again – and since I used the word “proverbial” I think I need a quote from Proverbs, don’t you? So, I found this one – Proverbs 4:7. But, I didn’t like the first translation so I googled it again and got a God wink by seeing verse 8 as well.
Proverbs 4:7-8 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. 8 Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her.
Really, I was just looking for a little guidance to move forward and instead I get an added emphasis on the power and importance of wisdom – the “she” in line 8 is “wisdom” not some random woman. So, my tasks are to 1) understand where I am: the pit of despair (if you know, you know) check. 2) Seek wisdom to get moving before Miracle Max is declaring I only want to live in order “to blathe” not check.
When I feel my life has gone all off kilter again and I stop time to look around and inside me to take inventory of my world, I usually find the following things: an abundance of stress, a chaotic home environment (I blame laundry), a poor diet, a lack of physical exercise, an employment of various distraction tactics like being hyper social to get me out of the house away from the chaos or being lethargic in the middle of it, paralyzed.
This is a pattern. It isn’t new. It is more like a cycle. And it’s not absolutely awful. I mean my home is a mess but not a MESS. My diet is awful but I’m not eating cake all the time. You would think at 50 I would recognize this coming on and arrest its development from progressing to a quasi wallowing state. But, no. Not yet, anyway. I think this is where the wisdom comes in. At what point will I realize what is going on soon enough to stop the “pit of despair” from sucking days off of my life? As a person afflicted with a bit of deficiency in the area of attention – routines, time permanence, and living in the present moment are difficult for me. I love to futurize and plan, but recently I have had to let go of a future that I wanted more than anything – so much so I haven’t wanted to replace it with anything. Part of me just wants to dig in my heals and become the crazy lady on my street with too many animals who lives in a world of fantasy. Ok, that does actually sound like it would be fun for a brief moment. Instead I am going to work on my art, become an expert in my job, and enjoy having all of my adult babies living under my roof – this time is fleeting! And, as I have said over and over – its the relationships and the people that are the most important. Also, it’s November and therefore Christmas season. Need I say more? I have plenty to focus on to keep me in my present moment.
So, how do I move forward toward an unknown future? And, how do I set up some safeguards so when these patterns begin to emerge I can abate the oncoming digging of the proverbial pit – again?
- seek understanding of where I am
- an abundance of stress – what is causing the stress? Identify and address.
- a chaotic home environment (I blame laundry) – what can get done that will eliminate the most chaos? List these in order of most important.
- a poor diet – I know what to do. Take my probiotics, eat a lot less of the carb laden foods, drink water, yada yada
- a lack of physical exercise – I do not love exercise, especially alone. I started tennis last year and gave it up because I started travelling more on the weekends, why not take it up again? Start going to a barre class – I do love ballet. . .
- an employment of various distraction tactics like being hyper social to get me out of the house away from the chaos or being lethargic in the middle of it, paralyzed. I need to be social, but not HYPER social. I ride the line between extrovert and introvert – I am neither. I am an ambivert. So the hyper social can be as bad for me as seclusion. I am a complicated person. Ha.
- Seek wisdom to move forward
- Time to take the personality tests again. I enjoy the insight these give and they might offer insight into how I can tackle the plan to subvert this pit thing in the future. Knowing more about the innerworkings of my mind is fascinating. And, I change over time. I am not always the same on these tests. There are sometimes subtle differences.
- Continue studying the Bible and going to the church class I am attending
- Continue going to my precious counselor
- Remember who I am and what is important to me. Sometimes life has a way of taking my eye off of the most important details.
- It may be time to read “Self-Discipline” by Emerson again. . . it makes me think and ponder. NAH. I think I will read The Princess Bride instead. Who doesn’t want to dream about a Westley of their very own? Reading fantasy is the BEST way to get my mind off of anything
- Allow myself the grace to move forward into a life undefined – and continue to pray that God’s will continues to be revealed to me (more road signs and pool moments, please).
I just love The Princess Bride! Please enjoy a few of my favorite syrupy good romantic quotes from the movie/book.
Westley: “Hear this now: I will always come for you.”
Buttercup: “But how can you be sure?”
Westley: “This is true love. You think this happens every day?”
Westley: “I told you I would always come for you. Why didn’t you wait for me?”
Buttercup: “Well… you were dead.”
Westley: “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.”
Buttercup: “I will never doubt again.”
Westley: “There will never be a need.”
“You can’t hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords. And when I say you are a coward, it is only because you are one of the slimiest weaklings ever to walk the earth!” — Buttercup
“Life isn’t fair, it’s just fairer than death, that’s all.”
“My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!”
“Love is many things none of them logical.”
“Enough about my beauty.” Buttercup said. “Everybody always talks about how beautiful I am. I’ve got a mind, Westley. Talk about that.”
“Have fun storming the castle!”author: William Goldman